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  • Writer's pictureToni

Branded at the Gyno


It's been an interesting few days.

My toddler's newest obsession is temporary tattoos. If she gets to put one on herself, of course, her mommy has to match her. Needless to say, my body is currently not-so-tastefully decorated with colorful butterflies and bumble bees.

This past week, to my surprise, I had an OBGYN appointment that crept up on me like the flu in winter. You always expect it but are never fully prepared for it.

I remembered to shave my legs, but forgot to paint my toe nails and more importantly to take that large, BRIGHT rainbow tattoo off of my foot. Going there is already awkward, but the reminder that I am a hot mess mother who allows her toddler to brand her, makes the level of awkward a little higher. Nothing like being completely naked in front of a doctor and seeing her laugh. To top it off, at the end of my visit, I get to give a lovely co-pay knowing I'll be the joke at lunchtime. I guess it's a good thing that these appointments are annual. Hoping she doesn't relabel my chart as "Rainbow foot".

sketch of my gynecologist laughing at my temporary tattoo


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