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  • Writer's pictureToni


How I miss thee


I never thought I would miss sleep so much until I became a mother. Is it just me or do other mothers also feel like their spouse can sleep through anything? No matter how quiet or loud my child can cry, I can jolt out of my sleep immediately. It doesn't matter how much lack of sleep I've had, I will always wake the instant I hear her. It makes me go insane watching him snooze through her tossing and turning.

By 3pm in the day I have loaded myself with caffeine and snacks to get me through into the night time. My toddler on the other hand, has energy for days while I have clothes pins peeling my eyes open in order to keep up.

By bedtime, which is usually around 8pm, I am spent. It's as if I see the finish line and know I'm that much closer to sitting down to watch pointless TV. We tuck her in and say, "I love you". My husband and I walk down the stairs and collapse on the couch. Two minutes pass and I have the monitor in my hand, watching my little angel sleeping.

It is such a battle for myself to care about her well being and taking care of myself. There is the balancing act I go through daily that I never succeed at. I forget to drink water, go to the bathroom and even brush my hair. My focus is her, at all times. But boy do I miss solid sleep. I look forward to Mother's Day where I sit back and watch my husband attempt to be like me. It's adorable and laughable. I love them both and wouldn't change a thing. Except adding a snooze button. One day.

sketch of an insomniac (parent), 2019


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